Unexpected Drama

August 9, 2010

Ha! I was in bed at 8 pm. I have been very easily fatigued. I don't think it's from the actual cancer, but the emotional effort of dealing with it. Then you add sister drama...and friends concerns....and family not supporting the way you wish, it gets harder. This is KJs treatment week as well so he's getting weak. And that made him frustrated.

Here's my schedule for the week...

I have chemo class Wednesday morning at 7:45 am. That's just an unholy time to have to be out and at a cancer center. But whatever works. They will draw labs then too.  Port surgery is tentatively scheduled for Thurs....ha ha...hopefully I will be too drugged to have to listen to my sister rejoicing about my cancer.

Then Friday morning at 8 am I have a radiation consult. I really don't want radiation. But it may have to happen. It will be after the mastectomy...and muscle stretchers but before implants.

I was under the misconception that I would have a mastectomy and wake up with new boobs. Not according to this breast book I got. They will put saline inserts under the muscle wall. Then weekly I will go in and they will pump in a little more saline. Did I mention that every woman who has done this said the stretching was painful? I can't get away from it.

I WANT to wind up with the delightful Ds again. Like I had before they starting racing to see which would cross the belly button first. Lucky for me as I lose weight...the belly button sags lower too. ROFLMBO! Anyway...after reading women complain about the pain...I find myself contemplating settling for fried egg boobies instead. Slap your knee, now that's funny!

No. I will gut it out to get a good C cup at least. So anyway back to radiation talk....the process of getting radiation causes tissues to harden and shrink up a bit. So it’s recommended to hold off the silicon boobies until after radiation. This is Daily for 6 weeks! So the time frame of new boobs by Valentines just isn't realistic. Maybe by my next wedding anniversary - next July.  Then on Friday the 20th of this month...I will start chemo. KJ plans to take the day off and be with me that first dose.

I have to share this with you.  I have been blessed with an angel.  She doesn't want me to even talk about it.  But as a way of helping us through this time, she is giving a set amount of financial assistance.  KJ figured this is a way to buy a recliner without breaking Dave Ramsey's heart. So we plan to go looking this weekend for a big soft one that is easy to open and close...gotta consider how easy it is to operate if I'm weak from chemo. I also plan to guilt the sales person into a breast cancer discount. lol  So KJ will be with me for the treatment and the recliner will be waiting for him to tuck me into it. Even if I feel okay THAT day...the nurse told me not to plan on shopping. She said I may not have bad reactions during the first infusion. But within 12 hours it will feel like a train hit me. She said I will cope better if I am well rested. Then I guess subsequent treatments the reactions will start quicker and quicker.

  Do I really have to do this?

KJ was looking through the sales papers yesterday and asked if I'd like a Nintendo DS. :) I do enjoy video games. Kids thought I was such a cool mom cuz I played video games with James. It was silly how flattered I was in hearing how some snotty 9 year old thought I was super way cool cuz I played Body Harvest. lol So I told him that I'd do the first month first. If I found that I wished I had a video game to entertain me during the infusion or the week after...we could address it then. I thought it was sweet he was considering it...just something to entertain me yk?

Linderlou:  KJ's a good man! Yeah, I'm not telling you something you don't already know. I read the stuff on the other thread about your sister, and I just want to slap her silly! I can't imagine what she was thinking posting all those details on facebook without asking you first! Do you think KJ would call her and tell her to back off, or is she still planning to come with your Mom and other sister? It's not fair that you have to deal with that drama along with everything else.

Fried egg boobies? Well, some of us have those without having to go through a mastectomy. And wouldn't you know it? When I lose weight the first place I lose is not in the belly, butt or thighs where I really need to, but in the bust line. I hope that made you chuckle a bit. I'm not making light of your situation at all. You are still in my prayers

Rosey:  Well phooey. I'm rearranging living room furniture and shampooing carpet and I ripped a nail right off at the quick. Well not into the quick just at it so it looks like I chewed it off. Now I have to schedule myself a home manicure. I keep them at active length anyway. But maybe I should cut them short and smooth for a while. Then I can keep on top of nail care without them ripping again.

 

Not sure I will like the new arrangement. But my goal here is to make room for my quilting loop, and to put the recliner near the window. I also gotta get more bird feed so I can lie on the couch and watch birds at the feeder.

Well I sent a private message to my sister. I said I saw her post requesting prayer for me and I appreciated that. But I had been distressed to read that she went on to speak of my chemo treatment and classes as well as having having minor surgery. I had not made that information public yet, and was only sharing it with family and few friends.  I told her that Dr. Joe tells me there's no right or wrong way to do cancer. And it has been my decision NOT to share every aspect of my treatment in detail in public (not talking about you girls). I wish for any discussion concerning my chemo or surgeries to be mentioned in only the broadest and vaguest terms. Right now anyway, this is how I wish to preserve my privacy and dignity. If she feels someone needs specific detail please do that in private messages or in person.

So I guess we will see if that puts her panties in a bunch. But I'm praying she accepts it with grace.

I finished the rearranging of the family room. We both kind of like it. It just leaves no room for end tables. But KJ uses these tv trays constantly so we will use those when needed. It was good for me to stay busy. I have been freaking out a little this afternoon. Having actual start dates makes it so real you know. Yeah...I have this cancer. But I don't feel it real right now. I mean I feel GOOD...how can I be ill? But here I am waiting to have surgery this week. And chemo next week.

Fighting Cancer may go smoother 

when you try to plan ahead.