August 5th
So Mandy from Dr. Etters
office called to set me up with a Pet scan. I had to be on clear liquids from
that point on. I asked her about the fact I had already taken my diabetic meds.
Without food I would be crashing by 2 pm. She told to tell everyone that I was
diabetic and would need food as soon as I cleared the exams I needed to be NPO for.
My friend Joyce drove
down 30 miles to take me to the hospital...then 30 miles the other direction. She is such a joyful help! I
told her about you guys and your pink bracelets and she teared up. She wiped
her eyes, exclaiming "that is so sweet! I want to wear your
bracelet." KJ later said "I guess we are buying a lot of
bracelets."
So first I met Piper in
Nuclear Medicine (or is it Nucler
medicine if you're from Texas?) Piper
was the technician who would draw my blood, mix a radioactive isotope into it
and then re-inject it into me. I asked if I needed to take any precautions, toileting, microwave ovens...spider bites anything at all? She laughed and told me I
was fine. It was the "nucler terrorist" who put out warnings that my
urine was radioactive or that I would glow in the dark until I passed it
through.
Piper told me she was 4
years out from her own cancer diagnosis. She couldn't tell me I would be fine
but that I will be given the best fighting chance. Both she and her dh were
diagnosed with cancers on the same day. Friday the 13th. (Can you even imagine?
Forget it's the 13th! Let's talk about ON the SAME day!) She said they are not superstitious but
they confess to getting anxious every Friday the 13th. :) She introduced me to
Steve, a ruggedly handsome man who would be doing my bone scan. I was relieved
to be told I did not have to disrobe for any tests...unless I wore Madonna's metal
bras. (No worries there,
although there have been times I've thought I needed one to hoist these
girls up where they belong!) Steve was that handsome cowboy, rock climber, skier look
kind of guy.
 |
| photo courtesy of http://www.roblangimages.com/ |
He had one of those althletic builds that came from real activity,
not just strutting around in a gym. He actually DID physical exercise...well
based on the width of his shoulders. (This isn't Steve, but this was the kind of he handsome that was. I'm grateful Steve was fully dressed. I couldn't have taken this for a 30 minutes scan) I would have to wait two hours before Steve
could run my bone scan. That is to give the isotopes time to absorb throughout the entire body. I laid on the table with a plate running over me. He
had one of those thick dark molasses syrup kind of voices.
And when he said "Tina can you twist your head to the right?"
I thought "Steve..speak to me in that voice, I will twist my head
upside down." :)
So in the meantime I'm
sent up to CT scan waiting area where I must wait for the next 1.5 hours, I had
to start drinking contrast mixes in a strong concentration of raspberry crystal
light. So strong in fact, I am quite certain my teeth are still purple tinted.
Steve left me in the care of Kathleen. She was a magnificent black woman with
awe inspiring hair. Her hair was perfect, finger curls dripping down from her scalp.
I couldn't help but eye it and wonder how long it takes to reach a style like
that. It was similar to this chick right there --> I
recently had another visit to CT for another exam. she did not have the magnificent curls. I inquired about her curls and she began to laugh. "Oh Child, that hair is a wig!" Well it was a magnificent wig, I wonder if I could have pulled it off while I was bald? lol Sure enough, the next time I went in for another test, the curls were back.
She was informed of my
diabetes and my need for food as soon as I could eat. She promised to keep an
eye on me and had a single size apple juice on hand. She took my pertinent
information and was very interested when I spoke about my lap band. I explained
I could not guarantee drinking down the contrast in 10 minutes. But I'd
do what I could. She was very curious and asked a lot of questions. It was kind
of fun. It was nice to talk about something not related to cancer. (Again, when I went back a year after this for another CT scan, a much thinner Kathleen was waiting for me. She gave me a hearty hug and told me she had gone on and had a lap band procedure herself and had lost 50 lbs in 4 months. Good for her!)
I was frustrated
because I learned I was NOT having a pet scan. Insurance said "we won't
cover a pet scan by itself. You have to have a CT scan and bone scan first THEN
we will pay for the PET scan." What a racket. I wanted to call Kelly and
let him know that little tidbit. My cell wouldn't work. Nuclear medicine is a
cell blocked area. So I had to find a public phone to call him. But oddly that I
couldn't call or text but I kept getting this message..."senior class
for seniors 2010 requests to pair with you. Do you accept this pairing?"
I hit no. It popped up immediately again. I hit no. For the next hour my phone
was repeatedly assaulted by some pervy senior 2010 wanting to mate with my
phone. It exhausted my phone. Literally. It sucked my cell battery down like a
10 cylinder engine sucks in gas.
So I'm sitting there
waiting and someone walked into the room with great purpose. Most people moved
quietly and reluctantly into this area. Not this man, so I could not help but
look up. The words burst forth from my mouth..."Pastor Chuck!"
He stopped so suddenly he nearly skidded and whipped around and exclaimed
"Rosey! How are you?" I had to ask him, "How did you know
it was me? He laughed and said "because you're the only one
left who still calls me Pastor Chuck."
 |
| Pastor/Chaplain Chuck |
Chuck had been my pastor
13 years ago in a struggling church. He was the minister who said in a sermon
"When someone extends compassion to you in your time of need, be grateful.
For compassion is learned. It is born out of the personal pain in
which we learn how to extend compassion to another." It was so powerful to
me I have never forgotten those words. He is a very special friend. Our little church wasn't doing
well and eventually the district and shut
down our little church.
So Pastor Chuck was looking for a job and I told
him he should look into the chaplaincy full time. He asked why. I told him I had never met
a man with a greater capacity for compassion and thought it could be
God's calling on him. He applied at a hospital that week and was hired
immediately. He's been there 12 years now. So it was Chaplain Chuck who
walked into the waiting room.
He hugged me and asked
if my diabetes was worse. I shook my head and took a big breath to say it out loud for the first time to someone who was not in the medical
field. "No. I have breast cancer."
He turned white and
gasped out. "So do we!"
Now isn't that sweet?
His wife J, a gentile woman now has cancer but he included himself in
the process. Later when I shared this with KJ and he nodded. He agreed
that while I have the actual breast cancer it impacts his own life so
intimately that he feels WE have breast cancer. He plans to use that terminology as
well. If WE can be pregnant. WE can have cancer.
Chuck tells me his wife
is a new diagnosis...Me too. She had a biopsy last Tuesday and was told
immediately, they suspected cancer. Me Too! I told him it was our wedding
anniversary and I had no clue there was going to be anything but celebrating
going on.
His wife, J is going to the same surgical group and she's seeing oncologist
Mary Muscato. I'm seeing oncologist Joseph Muscato. It's a husband and
wife team. We both have our first appointments this Friday. J was told
to expect chemo first before surgery. I was told it MAY be before surgery.
Chuck explained
that she was told that doing surgery first required waiting 6 weeks for chemo
to start. The incisions had to be totally healed before doing chemo. So
this weekend, I'm going to order a chemo hat. I will need something to
use before I get these precious handmade ones you are working on.
Since
then I have learned how important
it
is to wait those six weeks. I hear the horror stories
of women whose
doctors started chemo just 10 - 14 days
after
a mastectomy or lumpectomy. Those poor dears
wind up with
incisions that rupture, infections, or incisions
that
won't heal properly because the doctor rushed and the chemo
disrupted the immune system!
We are preparing
for something to start soon anyway. Chuck was on his way to
see another patient. So he hugged me and I told him I'd be praying for them and
getting in touch with Jane since it looked like we might be "breast
buddies". He said they'd pray for us and that was good. Praying for
someone else helped keep us from wallowing in our own dirt. I thought that was
poetic.
Kathleen brings me my
next quart of contract to drink. I told her I was going to the gift shop. Big disappointment. It's remodeling and all they had was cards
and flowers. Not a way to kill an hour, but I found my cell worked in the
main lobby. So I called KJ and told him about Chuck and Jane. And I got
cold. I mean Really cold. My fingertips turned blue and felt
icy. I kept looking around to see who opened an air vent and saw nothing. I
finished the call and walked back to the waiting room and sat down. I
immediately started shaking and chattering so hard, my feet literally were
bouncing on the floor.
Kathleen rounded the
desk, took one look at me and said "oh honey, you are having a reaction! Hang in there I will be right back." Her comment made me realize I was
shaking like KJ does with HIS IGG reactions.
This kind of reaction, called "rigors" is defined as the
sudden attack of severe shivering accompanied by a feeling of coldness ('the
chills') and is associated often with a marked rise in body temperature. It may
be described by patients as an attack of uncontrollable shaking. Enquiry
should be made about:
- Symptoms suggestive of local infection, particularly respiratory infections, urinary infections, biliary disease, and gastrointestinal (GI) infections.
- Recent surgical procedures.
- Any relevant past medical history such as rheumatic heart disease.
- Recent foreign travel.
- Medication and allergies.
Next time Mr. Rosey is
getting infused and complains of being cold, I will understand how he feels.
Kathleen came right back and started tucking these wonderful heated cotton
blankets around me. I loved her in that moment. She
told me I would be fine and this happened to some people. But it would get
better. And it did. The bouncing reduced to jitters then shivers and then plain
chilled over a 30 minute time frame.
Then TJ came
out to get me. TJ is cute in a boyish way, he's chubby, friendly, and he
laughed easily. He was medium in height and I couldn't help but notice he had
his hair cut the same as my son's, a 1/2 inch buzz.
He took me back and pulled blood out of my iv to check the levels
of contrast. I swear it was as purple as that raspberry crystal light they had
me guzzling. TJ was also very curious about lap bands and as he injects this
tube and that one he's asking me for details. I go to the scan room and was VERY
relieved to see a short tube I had to go through. Perhaps only two feet in
width as opposed to a long cylindrical coffin I expected from internet photos.
Tj got me situated and starting running scans. Four in total.
But there seemed to
be an eternity between each one. I'm praying "Oh Lord, please let these be
clear. No cancer anywhere else. Please." In my mind's eye,
I saw his monitor screen lighting up like Christmas trees while he
shouted for Dr. House to "come to CT Stat!" I
could see all of Dr. House's crack medical team bent over the monitors asking
each other.."What the heck is that?" as they pointed at the bright
blobs on the screens.
When TJ came back out to
start the IV flowing for more contrast. I told him...You know it's pretty
terrifying how long it takes between pictures. He asked me why? So I told him, "because I'm terrified you're finding cancer from my nose to my big toes and
you're in there consulting with specialists from all over the country."
TJ chuckled and shook
his head. "No Rosey," he said..."95% of my time is spent on
paperwork. Charting what I do and what you did." Then stroking his barely
bristled chin he said to me..."It might be a good idea to let patients
know that when I explain what will happen. At least to newly dignosed cancer
patients anyway." I agreed it helped me chase Dr. House all the way back to Hollywood
knowing TJ was just doing non Hollywood type paperwork.
The ct scan was finished
and TJ helped me back to the waiting area where Kathleen was watching for me.
She held in her hands a box lunch and explained she had ordered me an
express lunch and I was to sit and eat it before my bone scan. :) I hugged her,
and whispered to her my thanks and told her that her care and compassion made
this easier to get through. The poor woman welled up with tears, called me a
"oh you sweet thang" and gave me another hug. Then she shooed me
away.
In the hall way TJ
grinned and with a sideways glance asked "where's my hug?"
"Ha!" I laughed. I told him that Kathleen gave me heated
blankets but HE took them away. He laughed and then escorted me back to
handsome Steve in Bone scan. I did thank TJ for taking me the whole way or
alas.."I'd be wandering the halls like a newborn fool." He asked what
was the difference between a newborn fool and an old fool. I told him an old
fool should know better and was just pitiful. A newborn fool was just clueless
and confused.
Steve told me to eat the
lunch. I was his last appointment and he would wait for me.
Now there is a trick to
eating when you have a lap band. You have to eat slowly. If you eat too fast or
too much you will yak it back up. So I ate half the sandwich and a couple of
the baked lays. Then I reported for my scan.
I had overlooked another
factor of at least MY lap band. It likes to burp. I
can't explain it scientifically. How I see it, is that food lodges in the lap
band pouch and as it softens and digests a bit, pieces of food drops through
the band into the empty lower part of the stomach. My theory is that as
the food drops a small amount of air/gas is floated up the pouch and into the
esophogus. It's a tiny little burp that most people aren't aware of. But it
happens constantly as the food mushes and falls.
I had not counted laying
down for the bone scan. (Every photo I ever seen of bones, they all have been
standing upright...except in that show "Bones", where they are in
pieces around a room.) So I had to lay there while rugged handsome Steve
is moving in and out. And the lap band is gurgling, it's bubbling and I
can't burp the bubbles up and out from a laying position. It's not long
before Rugged Handsome Steve tells me we are done and unties my feet. (to keep them in one position during the
scan). He helps me sit up and
like a ricochet in the Grand Canyon here it
came...bbeeeerrrroooooouuuuuppppphhhhh!
He did not even crack a
smile but asked "Good lunch"? Ahhhh could you just hate that? I told
him lap bands like to talk after a meal. He just smiled, nodded and took my IV
out. I think he was just humoring me.
No one had warned me
that these tests would make me feel like my blood had been replaced with lead.
Or that St. John and I would be inseparable for several hours as I eliminated
those contrast chemicals. I was only a block or two from home when the
bubbling started a lot lower this time. I duck walked to the door, but by
the time I got in the door I had lost control of the mess. (Contrast fluids CAN cause sudden, intense and
projectile diarrhea. Fun huh?) Luckily I was wearing pants that contained the problem but a
shower was a must have. I tossed everything into the washer. Then I
curled up in a fuzzy blanket and for the next 4 hours I remained very intimate
with St. John. KJ brought me home some soup and when I got up...it was to
go to bed.
I was in bed by 8:00 pm
and it wasn't a school night.
It's finished. Well this
is, but I have some venting to do. I have to get busy on something and I will
pop in through the day to tell you about my "thoughtful one moment and
then snarling butthead the next moment" hubby. Oh and my sister who
is so thoughtful to share with me how God is showing HER comfort in my health
crisis. grrrrrr
Nell: Well Tina, while the topic is not a favorite
of anyone here, you sure do know how to tell a story!! I find it interesting
how God is bringing you and J together through this journey. I do pray
this will be a blessing to all of you. I just love Kathleen! Will you see her
again? When do you get all the results?
Paula: I agree with Nell. You can already see God's
hand in this and that is such a comfort. Don't forget that when things get
tough. (Not that they aren't already tough) It sounds like there are some
amazing people working in that profession. I know for me, it matters
tremendously how the doctors and nurses treat me. I'm so happy that you had a
good experience. Rosey - Be thankful it was a burp and not air of another kind.
hehe
Meeshia: It is always amazing to me that from the
prayer perspective; we pray for God's presence and protection will be
surrounding you through every step. And then to hear how He does provide that
does nothing but make me smile and make my spirit sing. I suppose it comes from
not being able to be there, that we pray specifically for those tender hearts
people to be with you every where you turn. But to really hear that God is
providing that (like I'm really surprised?) is totally amazing. It does not
surprise me that God brought you to meeting your past pastor or that he brought
tender hands and heart from Kathleen.
I can imagine you can write a book just on your lap band alone with all the strange thingof any of it! :) I'm sure that must add some comic relief in moments that could be much harder without the interruptions. I'm sure that the waiting is what will get to you over the next few days. Do you know when you will have your doctor's appt. for them to give you the results of all of these
scans? to
be honest, I've read all your texts/posts but I can't remember if you did tell
us when your next appt. was. I'm thankful that you talk to us and let us know
what is going on. Thanks for making your fingers tired. I hope that it is
soothing to your spirit as you type us updates.
Linderlou: While I hate what you're going through, I sure
love the way you talk about it. I have a crush on Steve and I want to hug
Kathleen. I laughed so hard when you talked about how your lap band reacted to
your lunch. I just love that God brought you back in touch with your
former pastor and his wife. You'll be able to help each other through it. Maybe
KJ is acting the way he is at times because he's so worried. You're in my
prayers, sweet Rosey!
Rosey: I understand what KJ is going through. He
understood exactly what Chuck meant when he said "We have breast cancer
too." We had several talks last night. K's been reading on the Susan G
Komen site. One thing he got upset about was reading about the emotions and
stages. The disagreement we had on Monday was over me not being
"positive" enough. He said I acted like I was convinced I was going
to die. I lost it because at that time I was terrified that I was going to die.
Not necessarily of breast cancer…but of breast, ovarian, colon, uterine, brain
and bone cancer all at the same time. I've been terrified. Now I've moved
through that a little and accepting that is more likely that I just have breast
cancer. But he was going on and on about having to be positive.
SGK website said theres
no scientific proof that state of mind affects the outcome. It can make a
difference in coping, but not survival. But he read that the pressure for the
newly diagnosed to "Stay Positive for everyone else" causes more
anxiety because they feel they can't even do breast cancer right. And we are
letting loved ones down by not singing and clapping along with the breast
cancer fight song. lol I had to agree with the article. I feel so much pressure
to "have cancer the way they want me to". Then he read the stages of
a diagnosis and we could see how I have been experiencing them. He spent a time
weeping and talking through HIS fears, worries and boy howdy don't you know
THAT was fun! But I needed him to do it because by hiding his fears from me, we
couldn't address them.
Having cancer is exhausting
with all the unknowns
No comments:
Post a Comment